The Conflicts We Carry

I’m writing this two weeks before you’re reading it.

Because when this hits your inbox, I’ll be on spring break with my wife and our grandchildren. And for once, I’ve already resolved one conflict:

I’m not working.

But before I left, I noticed something.

The conflicts didn’t go away.

They multiplied.

The Situation

Not one big, overwhelming conflict.

Just a steady stream of small ones.

Conflict.

We’re buying a condo.
We’re selling our house.
Two transactions. Pricing, timing, repairs.
Two deals. Twice the uncertainty.

And underneath it, a hundred smaller negotiations waiting to happen.
Movers. Contractors. Banks. Utility companies. Lawyers.

And not just out there.

Between us.

What to fix.
What to leave.
What matters.
What doesn’t.

Who is responsible for what.

I’ve heard people say moving is one of the most stressful things a marriage can go through.

I can see why.

But we’re both AGENT graduates and have been married for 32 years.

Conflict.

Our dog ran outside this morning, found something dead, rolled in it, and proudly brought it home.
She thought it smelled great.
We didn’t.

Conflict.

My granddaughter wants to buy a horse.
My daughter has concerns.
I’m in the middle.

Conflict.

We’re trying to figure out what time to leave for the airport.
Too early feels painful.
Too late feels risky.

Conflict.

The gutter has been leaking for months.
I notice it every time it rains.
And then I forget about it when it stops.
I haven’t called the contractor back.

Conflict.

I’m in an ongoing battle with an insurance company over my sister’s care.
It’s been months.
Still unresolved.

Conflict.

A friend is avoiding a conversation with her brother about his future.
She knows it’s coming.
She’s not ready.

Conflict.

Our HOA is debating whether to upgrade our systems.
Some want progress.
Some want things exactly as they are.

Conflict.

I’m deciding whether to write a book.
I’m also deciding whether I actually want to.

Conflict.

I’m being asked to invest in another project.
I’m hesitating.

Conflict.

I know I should exercise.
I’m tired.

Conflict.

I know I shouldn’t eat late at night.
I do anyway.

Conflict.

Every time someone unsubscribes from this newsletter.
Or doesn’t sign up for the online course.
Or doesn’t pass it along to a friend.

It lands.

Still.

The Turn

None of these, on their own, are overwhelming.

But together?

They start to stack.

One after another. Big ones. Small ones. Some that matter. Some that don’t.

And at some point, it’s not about any single conflict.

It’s about how many you’re carrying at once.

That’s when the feeling shifts.

Not panic. Just pressure. A low hum in the background.

And I realized something.

I don’t try to resolve them all. I prioritize.

Which ones matter now? Which ones can wait? Which ones might disappear on their own?

Because if I tried to solve everything at once, I’d get overwhelmed.

Sometimes, going shopping with my wife's list is a conflict.

What happens if they don’t have 5% yogurt? Will 2% be OK?

And even that small decision takes energy. And that’s when I noticed something else.

Not all conflicts feel the same.

Some are easy to carry. Some are not.

The Shift

The difference isn’t the situation. It’s what feels at risk.  

• Being heard.

• Being respected.

• Having a say.

• Knowing your role.

• Trusting what’s going to happen next.

When those are in play, the conflict feels different. Heavier. More personal.

And those are the ones that stay with you.

AGENT in Action

What made the difference wasn’t clearing the list.

It was changing how I moved through it.

AWARE: I started noticing just how many conflicts I was in, instead of pretending they weren’t there.
GROUND: I got clearer on which ones actually mattered, and which ones didn’t need my energy right now.
EMPATHIZE: I reminded myself that every conflict on that list involved someone else carrying their own version of it.
NEGOTIATE: In a few moments, I chose curiosity instead of reacting automatically.
TIE it altogether: And sometimes, the best outcome was simply deciding not to engage yet.

The takeaway?

It’s not about having fewer conflicts.

It’s about knowing which ones deserve you.

🛠 Try This Before Your Next Conflict

• Which conflicts on my plate actually matter right now?

• Which ones am I carrying that I could set down, at least for today?

• Where is something small adding unnecessary weight?

Closing Reflection

Conflict doesn’t arrive one at a time.

It shows up in waves.

Some light. Some heavy. Some connected in ways we don’t see at first.

Being a Negotiating AGENT doesn’t mean you clear them all.

It means you stop trying to.

And start choosing how you meet them.

See you in the win-win moments next week.

Sam